Pondering Pandering Political Parties in Primary Elections

Pandering in politics and primaries… and we ask for it. Every time.

During this primary election season I’m not sure if I’m being picked up at a bar with a strong drink, a whitened smile, and a rufi, or if I’m being bamboozled into eating crushed spinach and sweet carrot sludge that…. very curiously… makes airplane noises and for some reason reallywants to get back into its hanger…

… either way I’m pretty certain I’m getting played – I just can’t tell if they want to screw me and leave me in a ditch, or put me into a backwards-facing car seat so I can’t see where they’re driving.

In a primary election where it’s become the norm for candidates for the office of the President of the United States… to  sing, to dance, to bow down to a Donald Trump endorsement (and then quickly board your private plane and leave in case too many people noticed), and even boast, “Vote for me and we’ll have… American colonies on the surface of the moon!!!!” … well, my face is contorting cynical like the e-trade baby.

But after a pause to think about it how in the world we got here, our general outlook on life as “Americans!” … wait… let me show you my shocked face. Whhhaawww!??!?

(Now don’t go nuts: I love this country, and am eternally grateful that somehow the dice rolled so that I was born here  – I just know what it’s like outside its borders, and am often… impressed… by how much and how many we as a society feel we automatically deserve simply because we’re “Americans!” The smaller the world gets and the faster it moves, the coattails of our successful history grows shorter and more threadbare. Success stories become smaller in numbers, but larger in scale, thusly leaving more and more of us behind. Or so it seems from my chair at this game living in a very blue state. A state that I’ve been told now is no longer “Real America” … bit bummed out by that, honestly. Not sure where that leaves the 37 million of us over here.) But again I stray. (It’s a rant, after all, we’re allowed. ;) )

And so with American society’s demand to know what’s in it for us… presidential candidates pander. Because that’s what we want them to do. Me. What are YOU going to do for ME? (How JFK of us.)

2012: EXTREEEEEEME Political Pandering!

(available on pay per view)

What’s astounding is how much the candidates (Newt Gingrich to President Obama, and Mitt Romney in between) seem to be pandering this time around – more so than usual. It appears as thought the process of running for President is somewhat like a very expensive and well-funded game of truth or dare – or maybe a DNA-sequenced hybrid of truth or dare, HORSE, and high jump.

“Well if he sang… so will I… If he got an endorsement from an an ultra-conservative with a 90% rating, then by golly, I’ll find one with a 91% rating!”

I’ve seen kids in pre-school collecting meaningless trophies while playing in the mud during recess (usually rocks or petrified something-or-others that later mandate Purell coupled with a firm explanation why, exactly, we do NOT put things we find laying in dirty places into our mouths).

This process of collecting meaningless rocks  is basically the same game the presidential candidates have bowed down, down, down to in their attempt at winning or keeping a new job in 2012. Time to stop putting those dangerous things into your mouths, guys. Wash your hands, lets get back inside and get some work done, eh?

Presidential candidate political pandering…  that belongs on lunar colonies, not presidential elections. Y’all have so much money already, why not stop the catering to crazy and get down to business of drawing out your real vision and who you really are.

Mythical beasts (and very large dogs) only stay alive because we sacrifice food to them. They live not because they’re big and scary. They live because we feed them. That’s it. The American election process / system / corporation has become a mythical beast. We need that flying robot owl, man. Where is that darn flying robot owl!?!

While sometimes I look at Newt Gingrich and wonder whether or not he is, in fact, a mythical beast flanked by his speechless, smiling, shiny, sidekick – nah… he’s just a guy with a big ego. A big ego just like all people who want to be president and are willing to put up with what I imagine is the NIGHTMARE (cue even more mythical beasts) of running for President of the United States. In the end we’re feeding them by allowing presidential campaign pandering, and the manner in which presidential campaigns are now funded (some by only a single married couple – truly amazing).  Mythical beasts go away if we don’t let them eat us. Pandering can stop if we let the system that mandates they pander to die and start holding them accountable for a country, rather than for what they can promise us individually. Society isn’t about me… it’s about… society. Go ahead. Call me a socialist. I give up. You win.

If we don’t LET all this panding happen it will stop. Simple as that. Call them out on it. Let’s not eat that. Let’s stop making a joke of ourselves (because you KNOW they’re laughing).

Let’s get the Purell, wash all this grime and grossness off our hands, go inside, and get some work done.