In the epic bout between the Steve Bannon Presidency and Oppositional Media, Andrew Puzder was knocked out in the middle of the fourth round.
Puzder didn’t know the golden rule of parents and billionaires alike: do as I say, not as I do. Donald Trump can objectify women and not pay his workers, but cabinet secretaries cannot.
In the early rounds, organized labor fought strong against robot-loving1 Puzder. The repeated blows were enough to make Puzder woozy, but the knock out punch was a one-two thrown by ex’s and undocs.
POLITICO dug up a 1990 tape of Puzder’s ex-wife making strong battery allegations against her ex-husband, the man behind the Carl’s Jr. rather erotic advertising campaigns. She later revoked her allegations, but even gods can’t beat Oprah.
Oprah can’t, however, overcome the loyalty wall of republican senators – they required extra special sauce on their “dripping-all-over-women’s-breasts” burger before indicating they would not approve Mr. Puzder. The extra senator sauce came in the form of the Achilles heal of Republicanaland: the undocumented housekeeper.2 Mr. Puzder employed – and failed to pay employment taxes on – an undocumented woman working in his home.
In modern American political history, no republican has ever gotten up from the mat after being hit with the undocumented housekeeper.
That gives #MAGA two cabinet secretary casualties in less than 2 days.
The story behind these failures lies in ruling philosophy: Trump and his ilk preach that the US government should be run like a business. Now they are doing just that, which is giving non-corporate-world Americans a first-hand look at how corrupt super successful, big business CEO’s tend to be.
When Trumpians start to break up America’s assets and sell them to the highest bidder – without a micron of thought for The People – just remember their favorite phrase: It’s not personal, it’s business.
You voted for it America.
1Not to be confused with robot lovin’ – which is very, very different. back
2Rumors, Speculation, and Sinister Hope claim that Trump is convinced the UHU† is a secret Democratic Party spy network that is the driving force behind the big league illegal leaks. back
†Undocumented Housekeeper Underground
