What Happens if Obama Wins the Election? (Truth & Sarcasm Edition)

If Obama Wins a Second Term…

… the sky will fall, all the guns will go “poof” into smoke, the Muslim Brotherhood will raise their flag over the State Department, and America will end as you know it…

…the sky will drip with fire and fill with illtempered rainbows

Gay people everywhere will marry and every last one of them will decide to move into your neighborhood so that they can kiss passionately in your front yard (while simultaneously passing out condoms to all the boys and those pesky pills to all the girls). One such couple will also move into your house (you will be forced to share your house if Obama wins a second term – sorry, it cannot be helped). “The Gays” will adopt your children (raising them as college-educated socialists, of course), while you are left unemployed, penniless, and no longer allowed to practice your own form of religion, nor even say the word Christmas to your legally estranged and (now) well-educated (sexually and otherwise) offspring.

Jump to: The Immediate Political Aftermath | Medicare | Israel | Citizens United

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The entrepreneurs who currently do very well for themselves by exploiting the fear messages of the extreme right will increase their use of the phrases like “The Great Culling” to scare the crap out of the under-informed (as such they will sell three-fold more survival gear, food storage, and home bunker “smart survivor” kits compared to the previous fiscal year).

The oceans will literally boil. ( …but they will not rise… because global warming is a conspiracy of the Leftist-commie-educated-elite who don’t believe “in” science, so much as believe that what science proves is factual, true, and actionable. Sort of like math and mothers…)

… and for those of you who do NOT exclusively watch Fox News…

If Obama wins a second term then the Republican Party has a lot of thinking to do in regards to its bed-time partnership with the paranoid, socially dictatorial pocket of the electorate that has become its party base. The Republican Party can count on the “hate Obama” vote in the general election to offset the inner-shudder-shock of Todd Akin politics and policies… but after this election… the hate “The Other” tactic won’t garner a broad, old white vote that it has in 2010 and 2012. The electoral college numbers for Republicans won’t add up with its chosen demographic – ever – to win a national election again. Evolve on policy or die as a Party.

Wait… back to those of you who DO watch nothing but Fox News for a quick moment of truce:

The world won’t end, I promise. In case you haven’t noticed, Obama has been President for awhile now and we’re all still here. Besides what Fox, Huckabee, and Chuck Norris tell you: the world won’t end. Obama has reduced the deficit (it’s still huge, but it’s been reduced by 500 billion since Obama took office). Obama passed gun laws that give you MORE gun rights, not fewer (you can carry on Amtrak now). He’s been a strong supporter of freedom of religion (but of all religions – the idea on which our country was founded: all religions and all rights, not just one religion and/or individual rights provided only to individuals and ideas with which you agree). Obama has managed to get a lot of our allies to help foot the bill for military action instead of the US having to always pay for it with our money and lives. Despite what Fox tells you, the rest of the world likes us more, not less, since Obama has been president. Obama has also pissed off a lot of liberals with some of his policies – which I know you probably like because republicans tend to “get off” on making democrats angry for some reason – by doing some very Republican and militarily hawkish things…. so all in all… Obama has been President for everyone, not just one party. Imagine that. If only Congress would act that way. If only the Senate would act that way. If only the governors, state houses, and city councils would act that way. Imagine that.

Back to the political impact if Obama wins a second term:

The immediate after effects of the election if Obama wins will have people on the extreme right blaming the loss of House seats and the White House fully on Mitt Romney – entirely his fault with a sprinkle of outside, finger-pointing factors. The second phase (give it a day or two) will be to distance Paul Ryan as far as humanly possible from Mitt Romney so that the young gun who is supposed to be the smart one – all about numbers, but has yet to give a single number or detail – so that they can shelter him for a potential 2016 run… provided it won’t “take too long to go into the math.”

If Obama wins a second term, after those Republicans who have aspirations for 2016 distance themselves from Mitt Romney,  then all of the “warnings” will start from the far right (the more traditional right will remain quiet for the time being). These warnings will be everything from their ongoing domestic-related conspiracy theories about guns, God and gays, to creating new foreign enemies that are destined to take over America and “destroy freedom”. The republican base will be confused by the loss, so encouraging anger and fear will be the easiest way to keep them under control and aligned for the 2014 midterm election. The goal will be anger and fear, but the key is to not allow any sense of defeat. If the base loses any of its righteousness, then the extreme right will likely disappear after 2 or 3 elections.

While the extreme right, those driven entirely either by religion or profit (or racial hatred), try to rally back into their bubble, the “old” republican party (the actual GOP who understands that politics is not hard-line, black or white), will be re-assessing their alignment with socially-driven political pockets as the defining character of their base. They already understand that the “skewed polls” are NOT skewed – there just aren’t as many people who consider themselves Republicans anymore because 1) younger = more socially liberal due to exposure and more urban experience, and 2) religious zealotry does not belong in government. The polls aren’t skewed… the majority of people DON’T LIKE the Republican Party any more. The people who understand that will be thinking about how they can save the party, and save their own jobs. The GOP will have to divorce itself from extremism. They tried to juggle their more moderate values with those of the evangelical fanatics and tea party, but if Obama wins a second term, the country is saying: that’s enough, GOP leaders, it’s time to stop talking just about Reagan, and start acting more like him; obstructionism is not leadership. The question will be: can they hide the extremists under the rug like they have since 2000 when they were used to help elect George W. Bush, or will they have to disown them because they cost the Republican Party the 2012 election?

It depends on what happens in the Senate and House. If the Democrats win the majority back in the House, then the Republican Party will basically be forced (if they’re smart) to pull back from the extreme right. Why? Because the majority of the people in America are NOT extreme, religiously-driven-down-your-throats thinkers. The majority of the country understands that Freedom means just that… so stop shoving your ideological views down everyone else’s throats. Freedom means freedom from all your faith-based laws – EVEN IF I believe what you believe, even if I’m pro life, it’s STILL not “freedom” to be legislating religious belief in America… THAT is anti-American.

What happens to Medicare if Obama wins? It depends on the house, and even then probably not much of anything because there’s too much money involved and the United States is more of a business than it is a country. If Obama wins a second term, then Medicare will at least NOT become privatized and turned into a voucher system – which is good considering its the whole point of Medicare in the first place. However, Medicare cannot be saved as is. Bottom line is eventually Americans will need to learn that a single payer system like all the other countries use is the only feasible way to have a long-term solution. Say it with me, “Canada isn’t evil.” Start there, then maybe we can move forward on the issue once that concept settles into the psyche of the American right.

What happens to Israel if Obama wins? I hate to say it, but I agree with Mitt Romney on this one (the hidden Mitt Romney): America can’t do anything about the Middle East. America has already declared to defend Israel, and no matter who wins the election it will stay that way. I don’t know how to solve 4 thousand year-old religious conflicts – no one does. No one can. I do know that Obama or Mitt Romney have nothing to do with what will happen to Israel OTHER than defending it should something bad end up happening. Mitt Romney will spend more money on it, but the end result is the same regardless of who wins the election. Once again: when religion is involved solutions will never be permanent (if at all possible) when those religions are in opposition. It’s the same reason why America will NEVER “get tough on China” because the United States relies entirely on the strength of its economy, and that economy is strong because so many of our products are made in China. What? If Mitt Romney wins, he’ll force a new law that requires Apple to stop using China to build all it’s products? How about Gap, HP, or every other major American company? America will never “get tough on China” – we’re already in bed with them. The best we can do is try not to piss each other off.

What happens to Citizen’s United case if Obama wins the election? Sadly (like most things) that’s not up entirely to the President. BUT if he wins, then he will likely be able to appoint two supreme court justices who would be more prone to reverse the decision, whereas if Romney wins he’ll put in two justices who will be more than happy to keep it as is: the most corrupt election system in the history or the world.

Even if the Democrats win back the House and keep the Senate, due to the way Washington works (both because all politicians take money and because of the filibuster in the Senate) NO policy with any teeth will ever get through the quagmire that is the US political system. At best, we’ll get full disclosure – at best. America isn’t a country, it’s a business, which means its advertising will always be this way – once the threshold has been crossed you can’t uncross it – the most you can do is try to explain it – and that means keeping the money, but requiring disclosure that only 1% of the population will even pay attention to, anyway so the net gain in political morality will basically be nil.

The best thing that could happen if Obama wins a second term would be a retraction of extremism on the right. They have abandoned so many of their members that if they desire to be a major party, they will have to pull back towards the middle while simultaneously stopping the obstructionist approach to governing. If Obama wins a second term, after all of of the sky-faller-fodder clears, there’s a slight chance that at least some of the grown ups in Washington will start working together again.

Heck with it, let’s just have a three party system :) Do over and game on!

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Category:  Presidential     Tagged: ,
Published: by POLITUSIC | Updated: 03-23-2013 08:19:49
 
 

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